If you saw me at Target today with newest son, I probably didn’t smile at you.  In fact, I probably didn’t even see you.  It’s not that I meant to be rude to the cashier asking me to move down to another lane, but I probably was.

I didn’t notice the crowds or the busy aisles.  I just walked aimlessly from place to place, quite unsure of what I needed there in the first place.  I’m sure I forgot things.  In fact, I got home, and know I did.

Today, if I didn’t smile or didn’t even look at you, don’t take it personally.  I had nothing to give you this morning.  In fact, I have nothing left to give in general.  Not even a smile.  But you can’t really wear that around on a sign for people to see.  “Hey guys, it’s okay…I’m just a mom to a newborn.”  That would be weird…though I’m sure someone would get it.  I’m positive someone would give me a hug if they knew.  If they knew I didn’t smile but cried all morning because I couldn’t make him happy.  That I bounced around from room to room with him screaming.  That it’s a miracle I put a bra on today.

I know someone gets it.  And I know it’s hard.  Really hard.

This won’t be forever.  Target is a wonderful, magical place where my dreams come true (ha ha) but today, it was just an escape.  A place to walk around in silence.

Please forgive me for being rude, forlorn, lost, or apathetic. I will try to make eye contact next time.  I’ll smile soon enough, and I’ll be stronger because of these times.

So thank you for smiling my way if you saw me.  Maybe that means you understand.  Maybe that means you know it will get better. And the hope I have in a smile is that this won’t last forever.

xoxo,

One exhausted mama